Rouge One? More like Rouge Lost (Spoiler Alert)

Going Rogue on Rogue One.

By the end of Rogue One, I wanted to die in a massive explosion too. Oops! Was that a spoiler? Sorry for ruining 40% of the actual plot.

I should preface this by saying that I am not a die-hard fan of the Star Wars franchise. I don’t have the patience for six movies with everyone telling me a different movie to start on. However, I can appreciate a detailed rising action, so long as it pays off.

Which launches me into my first point: the meandering plot of Rogue One is not something to get lost in - it’s something that makes you actually enjoy going to the bathroom halfway through. Maybe get a refill while you’re at it so you’ll have another excuse in forty minutes. I could not even tell you how many old white men were in that movie but you’d think they were actually important with how much they cut to them - except they all end up dying without having really done anything. What’s the purpose of having characters if they don’t cause conflict to drive the plot? What is the purpose of having scenes where they stand in the middle of a room talking to other old men if they are never doing anything?

That being said, Rogue One is not devoid of action - on the contrary, it’s stressful - which leads me into my second argument; Rogue one is by no means a movie you can fall asleep too, purely due the sense of impending dread it builds throughout it’s lost cause of a plotline. Trying to figure out what is going on for half the movie amplifies the stress and frustration is sure to raise your blood pressure even if you chose not to indulge in concessions.

And lastly, when you get through it all and you say to yourself “hey, maybe Jyn is more than the archetypal emotionally distant woman she appears to be”, everyone dies. Character development? Doesn’t matter! Epic fight scene? What’s the point? All the time and energy that you invested is for nothing and, to top it off, Margaret Thatcher and Cesar Chavez - or whatever their names are - don’t even kiss at the end. They hug, as if this is some seventh grade dance, before they’re incinerated. AND to top it all off, they kill the only character worth watching the movie for, which is obviously K-2SO, the quick-witted radicalized robot.

In addition to the flaws within its plot, Rogue One was not the most approachable movie if you are a Star Wars virgin. And actually, in my opinion, it’s a poor introduction for the series due to how much needs to be understood through the context of the following story lines. In years to come, the debate over which Star Wars movie to start with will only become more aggravating because of this poor opening to the franchise.

For all of its let-downs, there were upsides, albeit very few. At times, the only thing that kept me from falling asleep was how utterly beautiful the cinematography and acting was. The movie continued Star Wars’ new legacy of increasing diversity on the silver screen, and for that, it should be commended. It continued to break down boundaries of how women are presented in film - something that would make Princess Leia proud.